WOw i forgot i had this thing! alot has changed since the last time i wrote here. Dalton and i have been broken up for over a month now and the shocking part is i dumped him!! im with someone else now and things are going pretty good, no more walking on egg shells and forcing a smile. ill try to remember this thing exists a little more often from now on k later

hey yall

hey i totally failed at writing on here this summer. school has started up again so i may try to write more i mean if im not gonna use it i might as well delete it! summer was pretty uneventful and so far school isnt to bad. im still with dalton and we are doing pretty good. i guess thats all i have to say for right now. peace

June

so i have made it through the month of june in one piece. it hasnt been the best month but it has been a piece of cake compared to last june. me and d fight alot but we made it to 7 months. i dont know how to make things good between us. we seem to be doing ok for now but in the past few weeks we have had to many fights. like one or two a day. i also started working at beckys...but now im not. her grandaughter came to help her so now i am unemployed. it made me so so mad because she told me this by text message!so now i am looking for a job i would do almost anything to avoid working in fast food! i cant believe june is almost over i am so not ready to go back to school and face senior year! i dont think it will be hard but i know it will be sad because no matter how much we all say we hate this town and we hate paris high school we all have our memories here and we will all be going our seperate ways. i cant wait to get out of this town either but im not going to lie and say i wont miss it. maybe not the town itsself but some of the people here and some of the memories i have.

♥SUMMER♥

SCHOOL IS OUT!!! yeah...its officially summer and i am so excited. School went so fast this year its crazy. Looking back on my junior year i would say its the best so far i made a new bestie ( i luhh you breanna) and i've been with d for most of it. there are some things i regret and some things i wish i hadnt done but oh well. As for my plans for the summer im workin during the week and doing whatever on the weekends!! HAVE A GREAT SUMMER EVERYONE

Schools (Almost) Out for the Summer!

So this is pretty much the last week of school. Next week is final review and finals! I'm not looking forward to finals but my Child Day Care final is fun we're doing themed lesson plans and i love finding things for kids to do. Once school is out i'll start working and enjoying my summer. Today was my last day at Grace Lutheran it was sad and i think i will go visit as much as i can. Tonight im going to the movies with Breanna we gonna has fun cuz we always does lol. Sunday is me and Daltons 6 months i am excited. I think thats all bye

Fake Friends part 2

Yesterday i got into a fight with someone who used to be my friend. She is the same person i was talking about in Fake Friends part one. I didnt go to school today because i went to my nephews dads funeral so i couldnt give her a ride. She got real mouthy with me about it and said she wants 5 bucks for a ride i never gave her. Ok fine be like that i dont care. But then she decides to tell me that i never spend time with my friends because im always with my **** buddy. After that she tells me that i let Dalton control my life. I dont know what her being a fake friend and Dalton have to do with eachother at all but ok so thats what got brought up. I stopped texting her because i didnt want to say anything really bad. But now im gonna vent about it! How is the guy i have been with for 6 months (and on and off for the past year) a **** buddy! I'm sure just from reading my blog you can tell that i really really care about him more than anything else. if he was just a **** buddy i'm pretty sure we would have broken up and stayed broken up a long time ago but no we are still together. And apparently he controls my life? He used to try yeah but he sure as heck doesnt anymore. I choose to spend as much time as i can with him he in no way shape or form makes me do anything! i've always been an outspoken and independent girl so there is no way any guy, no matter how much i love him, is going to control anything in my life. I hate it when people run their mouthes bout things they have no idea about. There as been alot of drama going on lately and i have managed to stay out of it but now it seems like its out to get me. I refuse to talk to her and get myself in any trouble but people need to mind their own business and find another friend to get rides from!

Im Neutral...Like Switzerland

Okay so i was not at school yesterday and i apparently missed alot of drama. A few of my friends are like in a very big fight that could possibly become World War Three!!!! I (as stated above) am neutral, like Switzerland. I think that when people have drama at school they should keep it to themselves instead of bringing it to the schools attention and getting people in trouble. Also, dont pull outside people into your own personal crap! I dont want to get involved in it i am learning to be really good about keeping my opinion mostly to myself! kind of! Anyway i think the bell is gonna ring so bye! p.s. i edited my own picture to make it school appropriate! how much do i rock? yeah alot! lol BYEZ

1~4~3

So to me and my boyfriend saying 143 means i love you. On the 23rd of this month it will be our 6 month anniversary. We havent made it this far before and i am really excited. I love him alot a hope that we have alot more anniversaries in the future! if i dont get a present im not gonna lie ima be ANGRY

Fake Friends

So i have some pretty good friends but i have a few that just pretend to be my friends... when they want something. I have one "friend" that only talks to me when she wants a ride somewhere or something like that. When i'm not offering to give her a ride or bend over backward to make sure she's happy she doesnt want anything to do with me. IT MAKES ME SO MAD!! Its bad enough that my real friends are drifting way because of who their dating or because i'm always with dalton (not that thats a bad thing!!) Anyway i really cant stand people who dont like you unless you're giving them all of your attention!!!!! IF YOU'RE GONNA BE MY FRIEND DO IT BEACUSE YOU LIKE ME NOT BECAUSE YOU LIKE THE FACT THAT I HAVE A CAR!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!

so i finished reading fang!!!!!!!!! I AM SO MAD AT THAT STUPID BOOK I WANT TO DROP KICK IT! im very glad my sister didnt buy it for me if she had i would be outside watchin the sucker burn! im very unhappy if there isnt a new book after fang i will be very very very angry!!

Book Nerd!

So i don't really have anything to blog about today. I'm gonna have a book nerd moment and blog about the book i'm reading! It's called Fang, it is number 6 in the Maximum Ride Series. I really love all these books. They're about kids with wings they are 98% human and 2% avion. So far i really like Fang. I get way to into my books so i've been tempted to throw it at the wall more than a few times. I cant believe i actually found it at our public library. I really dont like the library here most of the books are really old and they dont buy alot of new stuff. the library at my school is the shiz though. oh and btw Dalton got a job. yesterday we went to terre haute so he could get his check and we looked at rings again ♥♥♥ hopefully i will have one soon!

Call me crazy but...

i'm like unofficially engaged. unofficially meaning that i dont have a ring yet but i will. I dont even really know how it happened. D has always introduced me to his friends as his fiancee and well now its true. i know i'm only 17 and all the other things you could say while you're callin me crazy but i love him with all my heart and i cant picture my life without him. Lately all we've been talking about is rings and he thinks i should have something that cost him at least full pay checks. He doesnt seem to understand that to me an engagement ring isnt about how much he spent on it or what size the diamond is. to me its about the 4 words he says when he gives it to me and the feelings that go with wanting to say those words. i want something simple and beautiful that came from him. it doesnt have to cost alot of money and it doesnt have to come from one of the big jewlrey stores. I love him no matter what the ring looks like and he doesnt need to try to impress me with it i'm already impressed by how much he loves me and by how much shit he has gone through for me. i want the day he asks to be a day i'll never forget. it would be amazing if it was at night under a sky full of stars at the park where we met/first kissed. idk if it will happen that way because its all up to him. when i think about it my eyes start to tear up (they are now even though he's sitting right beside me while i am writing this) i love him with all my heart and i dont ever want to lose him so call me crazy for being engaged at 1 but once you find the kind of love that makes you speechless and weak at the knees i think you should hang on to it with all you got.

:(

hey, i know i talk about my boyfriend alot on here, sorry if its annoying but im about to do it again. Have you ever felt guilty for something that you know isn't your fault? Thats how i'm feeling right now...Dalton is having a really bad night tonight and i know he really needs me there. but i cant be and that bugs me way more than it should. my dad is a nazi and wont let me go anywhere after dark because of all the evil monsters that lurk in the darkness or something like that. Anyway D's parents are fighting and i guess its really bad and he is freakin out hard core. His response to stress like that is to want to smoke pot. Which is something i asked him not to do and as far as i know he quit completely. But tonight he asked if he could and i said ok ( he isnt going to) but just the fact that he wants to makes me feel like s**t i'm hardley ever there for him when he needs me cuz im always stuck at home. i know it isnt my fault that i cant be there but it still makes me feel really really bad. i love him with all my heart and i want to be with him every second even when he doesnt need me but when he does and i cant be it makes me feel so bad. i can never find the right words to say to make him feel better and i know being there would help even if all i did was hug him...i really hate this...

Spring Break!

So my spring break was rather good. I worked almost every day. I really love the kids at my new day care (paying job yay) i feel really sorry for three of them because their mom dropped them off with Becky (my boss) and said she didnt want them anymore. They are having a hard time adjusting especially the youngest one. Anyway that was fun and i got to see D almost every day. Thursday night i went and stayed the night at Breanna's while D went off to Ashmore to do god knows what. But Bre let me paint her stuffed monkey and it is now a girl monkey cuz i said i wanted it to be. Friday we went to Terre Haute and spent our pay checks shopping. Breanna got this guys number he was REALLY hot. I'm talkin like 9 kinds of bangin lol. I didnt get any numbers :( but thats ok cuz 98% of the time i like my boyfriend lol. Anyway i went home Friday and on sunday i went to my sisters wit the family and i got 3 eggs cuz i didnt want to steal from the kids cuz im nice like that! It was really fun and im glad my sisters seem to be getting along again. Gotta go do research for my 6. PAGE. PAPER. AHHHH!

~Love~

As promised i'm going to write about Dalton. The day i met him, our first kiss and more. So i met Dalton through my friend (or ex friend?) Ashley. She bugged me forever about meeting her cousin Dalton and i finally agreed. So one day (Friday March 6th) i walked to her house, even though i had no idea where i was going, and he met us there. At first i thought i wasnt gonna be interested but then we picked up ashleys boyfriend at the time , josh, and went to the park. I kinda gave D the cold shoulder for most of the night but toward the end of the night my mom called and really made me mad so i got up and walked toward the shed thing at the park. i looked at D and gave the universal head nod thing for come here and he followed me back behind the shed. He asked me what was up and when i started to reply that i was " really pi**ed off" he kissed me before i could even get all the words out of my mouth. That lip lock didnt last long before our friends came around the side of the shed and announced that they wanted to go to the gas station. It kinda sucked but oh well ya know. The next day i asked him out (cause he made me). Its been over a year since that day and its a day i will never ever forget. Its been a long year and alot of things have happened. We've broken up twice and gotten back together. The first time we broke up was my fault and the second time was completely his. I cant remember a time in my life when ive been in that much pain. But none of that matters now. I have him and we've been together for 4 months now. Losing him is one of my biggest fears. i know i say alot of bad things about him and sometimes i feel like we should break up but i try to imagine the way my life would be without him and i know that i would just be miserable all the time. I know i'm young and i've still got alot of years and experiances ahead of me but i love him with all my heart. People tell me i can do better and every time someone says that i think of this saying..." love isn't about finding the perfect person its about finding an imperfect person, perfect" He isnt the best guy in the world and he has flaws but guess what so do i and i love him more than anything else so all the ppl who wish i'd leave him can shut it. Ive gotta go now. " never give up on someone you cant go a minute without thinking about"

Anniversary

Yesterday was Dalton and my 4 month anniversary. i know your thinking oh 4 months big deal. No it is a big deal. We've dated and broken up a lot. This is our third (and last) try to make it work. The past 2 times we have only made it 2 or three months. This time we made it all the way to 4 months and i think there is a good chance we could make it even further. I know i complain about him a lot but i do love him with all my heart. I've only known him for a year but in that short of a time he has kind of become my everything. I have to go for now but next time i blog its going to be about the day i met Dalton and our first kiss

Lunch!

I had an awesome lunch today. Me Ashley (the bangin one) and Bre went to Bre's house and her mommy (who is awesome) bought us Mcdonalds. Bre's room is like all upstairs and stuff and its awesome and i want to live there. Then today we went to the Chinese resturant and had food there and my fortune cookie said i needed to learn Chinese and then i realized that that was the back and i felt like a giant loserrrrrrr. lol

Really Bad Week

So i know i mentioned in my last post that i was having a really bad week....well now its time to fill you in on it. This time last week i was very PMS filled and crying one minute cussing the next that kinda thing ya know. By Monday i was less pissy and more weepy. I was really depressed about a lot of stuff and was considering reverting to an old habit i used to have. I told my boyfriend this and he told me that he was going to Ashmore so he could drink for St Patrics Day. Ok...at that point i didnt care but the day he was supposed to leave i was feeling extra depressed and told him that i didnt trust myself to be alone because i was afraid i would revert to my nasty little habit of cutting. Insted of staying with me when i needed him he just said if i cut it was over and left anyway. We're gonna pause here and discuss this. okay so first of all why is it ok for him to go get drunk when he says im not allowed to unless he's there (lets just ignore the fact im underage okay that isnt the point here). That is such a double standard theres a whole list of things im not allowed to do but if he wants to do it thats ok. And him leaving when i was feeling borderline suicidal!??!?!? What kind of boyfriend does that! I was so hurt and mad. If he was feeling the way i was i wouldnt leave his side until i was 110% sure he was better. I just dont even know what to say about that. Anyway, for the rest of my week. Dalton left tuesday and Wednesday i really didnt feel like going home right after school so i decided to hang out with his cousin Dustin. I had alot more fun than i have had in a long time. Dustin makes me laugh when i really just wanna cry and thats something Dalton doesnt do. But anyway thats also the day my car broke down in Save Alot parking lot. I took a friend there to get some stuff and my car over heated and started shootin antifreeze. It needs a new water pump and drive belt and is currently sitting in front of my dads garage waiting for us to have the money to get the parts to fix it. So i had to call mom to come get me and a friend towed my car home on a trailer. Just in case you didnt know, watching your car get pulled home on a trailer isnt the easiest thing to see. So the next day i had to take my sisters truck school and that was fine beacuse i love driving her truck. I figured that since she has another car i could just use hers until mine is fixed right? wrong! she let her friend borrow it instead. It really made me mad im getting sick of constantly being shown where i rank in this stupid family. anyways everything pretty much sucked after that and today dalton called and he is finally back from Ashmore. he was only supposed to be gone 2 days. i just dont even want to talk about him right now. I'll probably write more about him later.

Guys!

So i'm havin a really bad week but i dont wanna write about that. i wanna write about guys. what makes a boy a man? Age? Maturity? Or is it more like they're a man when they decide they want to be one? i think the last one is the right answer. Guys decide their men whenever they want. The problem is they still act like immature jealous little boys! Guys anywhere from about 16-19 are declaring themselves as men yet going around acting so immature they practically still need a diaper! Guys are jealous, insecure, immature, backstabbing, hypocritical and annoying. So why do us girls insist that we have one in our lives? My sister says that to find a guy on your maturity level you have to date 5 years up. Thats not an option for me cause a guy that is 5 years older than me is 22 and my parents and sisters would kill me. The real problem with guys is that they think girls like it when they are being total a holes when really we just wish they would shut up already! Im really sick of being expected to worship the ground my boyfriend walks on while he takes me for granted a little more every day. Im gonna shut up before i say something i dont think i really mean. If you agree with my outlook on boys COMMENT ME

So...yeah

So yesterday was my sisters last day at the Village. It was very uneventful and saddening. Also
my boyfriend is out of jail so thats good. His mom bailed him out with left over tax money or something. We got in a huge fight but thats not important it was such a dumb fight it isnt even worth talking about. His mom and dad got his nephews taken out of the house by DCFS. They're claiming that his parents do drugs around the kids based on no solid information. His mom and dad plan to do everything they can to get the kids back i might testify for them in court because i really care about those kids. Probabaly almost as much as Dalton does. Anyway i ran outta stuff to talk bout ttlyz

I just dont even know...

so this week has been kinda hellish. I stayed home from school Tuesday cause i had a bad migrane and Wednesday i job shadowed at Grace Lutheren. It was fun but it was really crazy and exhausting. By the time the day was over a wanted to go home and take a very long nap but i didn't end up going to bed until 11 or after. But here is the worst part...i almost dont want to write it because i know my english teacher will be reading this....but my boyfriend went to jail sometimes yesterday. It made me so so so mad! He's known he had a warrent in Coles County since like September. He should've had it paid off by now and i told him when he mentioned it this week that he would end up in jail and he just blew me off. I'm ALWAYS RIGHT and its about time he accepted that! Anyway I'm very upset and I really just want to put all the stuff i have of his in a box and leave it on his porch. I know i wont actually do that but im SO tempted to. I dont know if we're going to be together once he gets out. I also dont know when he'll get out...his bail is $300 and i dont know who has the money to pay that. All i do know is that this in and out of jail stuff has to stop because its really really ridiculous. I'm gonna go now because im on the verge of tears. Later!

My Birthday

So i turned 17 on Saturday. It was probably the worst birthday i've had so far. I only got 20 bucks from my parents and nothing from my boyfriend. I guess it could've been worse but it could've been a whole lot better. I slept in then went to my boyfriends house and did a whole lot of absolutely nothing then i came home and went to sleep. Lovely. Idk what else to talk about so im gonna go for now. Byez!

Upcoming Birthday!

So my birthday is totally on Saturday. I'll be 17 and i mostly just cant wait for it to be over. I know i'm not gonna get a huge amazing present because we have like zero money and on sunday my whole family is coming to my house. Sounds good right? WRONG. They come over, bring no birthday presents, eat our food and my (cherry) cake then leave and i have to clean up the mess. Its dumb. As for plans for my birthday i dont really even know what im doin because i wanted to see my boyfriend on my birthday but he was all no go to your sisters. Thanks alot babe that rly made me feel loved. NOT! It doesn't really magger what i do for my birthday because i know nothing can top last year( see pez dispenser disaster). anyways thats all for no. O and by the way tomorrow is me and daltons 3 month anniversery. Yippe

Very Sad Book

Caution Spoiler Alert: If You haven't read/ seen dear john and want to DO NOT READ THIS
So i just got done reading Dear John and i gotta say it was like the saddest book i've ever read, and ive read ALOT of very sad books. Its one of those books where you think it cant possibly get any more depressing...and then it does! They meet and fall in love and his leave ends so he has to go back to Germany. On is second leave they do "the deed" but they also fight alot. After his second leave 9/11 happens and he signs on for another 2 years of service. Savannah understands but as the time wears on her letters start changing and finally he gets a letter that ends it all, and also informs him that she has fallen in love with someone else. Later he goes home because his father has died and after the funeral for a reason he cant even begin to understand, he goes to her house. She tells him that she married Tim, the guy she has been best friends with since childhood. The next day he comes back and she takes him to the hospital, because thats where tim is, he is dying of cancer and the only hope she has of saving him is to save alot of money for an experimental treatment. At the end of the book John sells his dads coin collection to pay for the treatment and Tim goes into remission. Ive been told this is NOT how the movie ends so i cant wait to see the movie. Reading that book made me really sad and made me wonder if true love and really stay strong through all of that because even after all they've gone throught Savannah and John still really love each other. So i wanna know...is it really possible to fall so deeply in love in just 2 weeks? and can true love really stand strong through all those things that could test even the most level headed persons sanity? Tell me what u think!

Best. Weekend. Ever

So this week as definately sucked big because my boyfriend is really sick and i dont feel good either but valentines day weekend was AMAZING!!!!!! At like 1 in the morning on valentines day dalton gave me my present which was a giant box of chocolate, Dear John (the book), an itunes card, a carmello bar, and a pink bear. I spent the night at his house, i havent slept that good in a long time. On Valentines day we went to t town and goofed off at the mall and got our pictures taken in one of those picture things by the food court, if i can find a way to scan them i'll put them on here. We had so much fun and i hated it when i had to leave that night. Monday i had to get up at the crack of dawn and go to work which was fun but still i dont like gettin up early!

Anti Valentine's Day

Most girls like Valentine's Day because it means their signifigant others spend a ton of money on them. Some people, like me, don't think V day is all that great. I think that v day is just a day to spend money we dont have. The idea of there being one day a year where guys can spoil their girlfriends is stupid. Us girls should be spoiled by our guys EVERY DAY, not just one day a year. I actually have a boyfriend for v day this year and he wont listen when i say lets just skip it and pretend its just another day. I dont have the money to spend and neither does he. Besides....what do you get a guy for valenties day? There is NOTHING manly about a heart shaped box of chocolate. My man and i are going to Terre Haute and he's buyin me dinner n taking me to the mall. I'm sure it will be fun but its stupid that he's only doing it because its a "holiday."

Random

So i just got on here to tell ya'll that this weekend was AWESOME. I spent the weekend at my sisters doing pretty much nothing! When i went to go home on Sunday my car was stuck in her driveway. So me and melissa, being as girly as we are, decided the best way to get out would be to put a stick under my tire. So we tried that, no luck. So then we decided she should push. After about ten minutes of the car not moving i hit the gas really hard while she was pusing and the car not so gracefully went backward. We were lauging so hard that it took us a minute to realize the car had moved and Melissa almost face planted into the snow. After i got back into town i went to my lovedly boyfriends house and had fun with him for a while before i had to return home where i fell asleep at the ridiculously early hour of 8 at night. Thats pretty much all i got to say....comments? B~Y~E

The Pez Dispenser Disaster!

I have 2 sisters, Amy and Melissa. I like Amy most of the time but sometimes she does things that make me mad, like telling on me for dumb stuff. Melissa is like my best friend, I go to her house all the time and we always have so much fun. There are SO many stories i could tell you about me and my sister but the funniest one is from my 16th birthday. Melissa , my friend Shelby, and i were sitting at The Villiage, the place where Melissa works. We were having fun when 2 men came in to buy a shed. One man was rather large and one man was rather missing a leg. Once they went back outside my sister decided she had to go to the bathroom and there is no indoor plumbing so she had to go outside to the porta potty. She goes outside and me and Shelby, who are sitting inside, hear a scream and the door to the bathroom slam. My sister comes running inside and throws herself on the floor laughing so hard she cant breathe. Shelby and I are looking at her like she's finally gone off the deep end when she gasps "the one legged man was in the bathroom." This might be mean but then we all started lauging so hard it hurt. Then i, being the comic genius I am, said, do you know that that man looked like? They said what and i stood up, stood on one leg and said, " A pez dispenser." No that probably wasn't nice but it was hilarious anyway. Not to long ago we (me and shelby) were at The Villiage again with Melissa and we went to walmart and bought a pez dispenser and put in the porta potty to freak Melissa out. It wasn't as funny as we'd planned but still something to look back at and laugh. That is just one of the many stories i could tell you about my sister. If you like this one tell me so and i can tell you more 'cause trust me theres plenty!

Things are lookin up?

So this week is definately going better than last week. My boyfriend and i are working things out and fighting alot less. Mostly we just had to accept that we had both made mistakes and stop blaming each other. He wrote me a really sweet poem and it showed me that he really does care dispite the mean things he says when he's angry with me. Another up side to this past week is i actually understand whats going on in math which doesnt happen very often. This week in english class we have to write a descriptive essay and i'm writing about my Grandpa Mervin. He passed away when i was only nine but he is still and always will be my favorite person and the person who had the most impact on my life. He never gave advice that he didnt follow himself. Alll the time i wonder if i would be a different person if he was still around to help me today. Well, im using a borrowed computer so im gonna go for now, more sometime this week!

Between a rock and a hard place?

so this week has been dramatic. my boyfriend and i got into a HUGE fight. I was texting my ex who is also my friend and my boyfriend found out and went completely insane. He pretty much broke up with me wich really really hurt because i told him this was his last chance to make it work. I told him bye and instead of begging for me to stay he just asked when he could have his stuff back? Whats up with that? It wasnt until i stopped answering that he started sayin sorry and saying that he doesnt wanna break up. We cant talk now without fighting and i think we need to take a break, just a little time apart. He doesnt agree because he thinks we wont get back together after. I really think a break would be good for our relationship. What do you think?

January = Worst Month Ever?

So January is supposed to be a good month right? A new start and all that? Well not for me! So far this month only bad things have happened to me! I spent New Years at my sisters watching movies and playing Wii while my boyfriend was out with friends. Once school started i found out I'm STILL grounded(long story) but its been almost 2 months now!! I get to drive to school but I have to come straight home after. For some people this wouldn't be a big deal but i dont like being at home. My parents and I don't see eye to eye about anything. Also this month i locked my keys in my car (happens to the best of us) and it took me over an hour to get my parents there to bring me the extra key because its hard for them to answer a phone when it rings. This next part doesn't seem terrible but it is. I saw my ex boyfriend at Wal-mart, lets just say theres a reason I've avoided going anywhere i might see him for the past month and a half. So that completely ruined that week for me. ----> Friendly piece of advice for girls. Don't date boys beacuse having ex boyfriends makes life so much more complicated<---- This past week I've found out my current boyfriend may or may not be cheating on me with some older girl. I still dont know if its true but if it is i can guarentee I'll be writing about it on here! That pretty much sums up my not so great month. February has to be better right? I mean my birthday is in February and I cant possibly still be grounded then.